"They give us a bad name"

This kind of comment always makes me cringe when I read it. I am Gay and have accepted that since the age of 17. For some time after coming out of the closet I would have said the same thing. That I felt like how "those gays" acted "gave us a bad name". Behavior that I didn't agree with or behavior that I was afraid of because maybe I wasn't fully out still. Either way I was worried about how "we" were represented as a community and thought that if "we" didn't act according to the social norm, "we" wouldn't be accepted.

Now I am older and for years now I feel like that is all bullshit. I have grown to realize that sometimes it does not matter what you do or say and there will be people that will perceive you a certain way. I was never effeminate when I came out of the closet or at least I never really thought so. I felt like I didn't really carry any general stereotypes that some gay people did. What happened there is that it didn't matter because once someone heard I was a homosexual they would begin to apply those stereotypes to me and begin to ask me inane questions about my homosexuality.

I have no problem with effeminate men. The behavior doesn't bother me. When I am around effeminate men it doesn't emasculate me, it doesn't embarrass me or anything like that. And that has to do with the reasons I posted above because I feel like it doesn't matter if I am like this or hang around people like this. There will be people who will perceive me a certain way regardless. So what's the point in trying?

This leads to my main point and why I don't point fingers and call foul about how other gay people or other people of any race or color act. If I see a news article about a gay activist group handling something in a way I disagreed with or thought was uncalled for, I don't feel like they represent me. And I think anyone who thinks what a few gay activist represents a whole community is an idiot. I am sorry that if some people feel that is harsh, but I can't help but say it.

I think anyone who thinks this way already have their minds made up about this specific group of people anyway. They're just looking for reasons to justify their own prejudice. Cause that is what people want regardless of what they believe in. They want reasons or excuses to justify it because if someone makes them feel "wrong" about their view they have a scape goat by not accepting that belief as their own and can point their fingers else where.

People can view me or the gay community whatever way they want. I honestly do not care. Other gay people don't represent me nor do they represent a whole community. They represent themselves as an individual. Being homosexual is only a part of who some one is.

I don't feel like a group of people who have been made to feel like they're lower than human owes anyone a thing. We shouldn't be appeasing to people who want to refuse our existence or view it as lower or think that we have to prove something to be accepted. The problem is with those people. The ones who think that just because one is different and they disagree with that difference they have every right to judge and treat that person less than.

People are different and there are plenty of things in people that I might not like. But that doesn't mean they shouldn't be treated with respect or made fun of just because it's something I'm not fond of. Unless this something affects the individual or the people around them in a negative way, who cares? If it makes that person happy, good for them.

So all in all the only one who is capable of giving you a bad name is yourself. Instead of worrying about how other gay people may "represent you" you should worry about the people who want to ignore you as an individual and lump you under one broad stroke.