Just keeping logs.

I just tried to go to the sleep about 15 minutes ago and I am already out of bed to take medicine I have been prescribed.

I turned out the light and went to bed, I feel asleep pretty easily but then I began to feel "paralyzed" once again. Through these few seconds I was trying to move but of course I couldn't, I tried to speak and of course I couldn't. So I finally was able to move and I reached for my bedroom light but I couldn't reach, instead I fell and stumbled into my door.

That was a dream.

More of the same thing.

Once again I decided to stay over my boyfriends house last night, this time I didn't really feel anxious when I went to sleep. That could have been because of the valium I decided to take before going to bed, though. I kept the light on went to sleep as well.

So I wake up around 5am and I am feeling fine, I wasn't anxious or anything but I could fall back to sleep right away. So I decided to turn on netflix and I watched something for about 45 minutes, then I decided to read a chapter of a book. My eyes then started to feel heavy and that is when I decided to try and fall asleep again. So I close my eyes and I just feel different for a little bit until it happens again, I just "feel paralyzed. I can't move or speak. I tried to move my hand over to the table beside the bed and tap on it to wake my boyfriend, but I couldn't tap it hard enough to do that.

After seconds I stop feeling this way, but I don't feel anxious at this point just a bit startled. My boyfriend then got up himself and went to the bathroom, I told him that it happened again. Also our Cat Ivy was laying right next to me and she didn't seem to act out of the norm at all when this was going on, so I have no idea.

I really should see a doctor about this and I will soon.

Another "episode"?

I really don't know what to call it. Sunday night I decided that I wanted to stay over my boyfriends again because it was our anniversary, even though the last time I stayed over freaked me out a little bit. I was a little weary about it but I figured I'd be alright.I really wasn't.

As soon as the lights went out I started to feel anxious and I couldn't even begin to tell you why. I just did not like being in the dark and it only took me a few minutes to ask to have at least one light on. So we did. It only made me feel slightly more better. I felt like I keep hearing things or that "something" was around, I guess one would just chalk it up to paranoia.

I was on and off sleeping for a couple hours feeling this way and then I started to hear a ringing in my ear and I couldn't move. I couldn't speak and I couldn't move my hands to reach over to my boyfriend to wake him, this again lasted for a few seconds. So again I felt nervous and I was freaked out, I was afraid of trying to fall asleep.

My boyfriend ended up giving me a valium and I know how that makes me sound, but there is something I have yet to explain. This helped me a little but I was still nervous about falling asleep and it probably took another hour or so until I was able too and that was around 3:30-4:00am.

Obviously I was anxious and what I experienced was most likely sleep paralysis. The weird part is that I have never experienced this much anxiety or have experienced sleep paralysis outside of my boyfriends apartment. This happened the other night and I decided to write this on Tuesday morning to see how I felt sleeping at my own place and I was completely fine, normal.

The first "episode" or whatever that was that I posted before, I didn't feel anxious until I woke up in the morning and what happened, happened. And obviously this time I felt anxious at night because of that. During the day there I am perfectly fine as well, I had no problems sleeping there in the afternoons and all that.

Obviously I should go to see a Doctor about this and I most likely will. I just find it odd that I have never experienced these things before, as far as I can tell or to this extent, but the last 2 times I stayed over my boyfriends I did.

Either way I thought this be something interesting to write about.

I don't know where to begin.

I don't even know how to properly explain this without it sounding made up, or a dream or crazy. But I know I wasn't asleep and that I most definitely experienced something. So I am more-so putting down for myself more than anyone else.

I came over my boyfriends house last nigh to stay over, I usually have no problem with sleeping here. I actually sleep better here than in my own bed a lot of the time. I woke sometime around 5:00-5:30am. I was thirsty and when I am thirsty I usually have problems sleeping. I will admit here that I am afraid of the dark a little bit, but not to the extent of this experience. I just started to feel fear and I didn't want to open my eyes to grab my drink on the side of the bed, but I eventually did and nothing happened but I still had this feeling.

So I kept my eyes close for a bit, I felt a bit warm as well which didn't help with trying to sleep either. The way I was laying on the bed I was "facing" toward the bathroom in the room, and I just kept feeling wrong about it, like I would see something if I opened my eyes. At this point I felt something "touch" my back, I don't know what it was, it honestly felt like a bug landing on my back. The reason I mention this is because by all this ended I have a hard time believing it was just that.

This feeling of fear kept coming and going, I don't really know how to explain it. It just kept feeling like it was ok but then I'd have the irrational fear of the dark again. Then I started to think of this horror game that I have not even played for a long while now, I haven't even been playing any horror games or watching horror movies. I started to think about the creatures in that game and it really started to bug me out. I was really afraid of opening up my eyes, like I would surely see one of these creatures if I did. I kept trying to think of other things but it didn't feel like it was making me feel better. Then the feeling of fear "left" me again.

I decided to turn my body away from the bathroom and toward the window, where my boyfriend was. The game was still on my mind at this point but I didn't feel the same way I just did a few minutes ago. I was fine, just laying there and I felt normal, but then I started to have that feeling again. I was scared and there wasn't a way to get rid of that feeling.

This is the part where something happens that most definitely happened, but will sound crazy or sound like I am just making it up. That it was a dream or something, but I know I was awake.

Anyway, as I was feeling this way again I felt pressure along my back. Like "someone" pushing me and trying to wake me up. This happened for more than a few seconds. As it was happening I was trying to make a sound, but it felt like I couldn't. I wasn't trying to say anything in particular, but I just felt like I had no voice. Then it finally stopped. The feeling I was having was gone, but I was obviously scared and I called for my boyfriend and told him to turn on the lights, I was too afraid to do so myself.

I know how this sounds, but what I also know is that I most definitely experienced this and I am not making it up. I was not dreaming, I was awake. I don't know what to call this and I don't know what to really to think of it. I just know that this wasn't normal and I never experienced anything like it before.

Haven't written in a while, more bad dreams.

I have written in quite in a while, I am not very good at being consistent at things, obviously. I guess I didn't really think I had anything real interesting to put down until now.

I feel like I have a lot of dreams, a lot of bad ones. Or just straight up nightmares. I do have "normal" dreams, but I don't feel like I get a lot of them. I am not going into this entry to dissect my dreams because I think these all mean something. Not to say that dreams can't mean anything, it's just that I don't think these ones actually mean anything.. or maybe they do, who knows. I just don't really feel like digging into it.

These couple of dreams all have happened within the last week or so. And these are the kind of dreams that I have on a pretty general basis.

#1

My older brother and I were headed to a top floor of a building. It was pretty dark in the place until my older brother hit a switch that turned on the lights. We were in front of a doorway that lead to a long hallway, this hallway was parallel to an almost identical one.

We head down the one through the doorway. We are taking our time and get halfway down the hallway when my brother grabs my attention and points down to the doorway where we came from. A "being" (I call it that because in the dream I felt that it wasn't human) appeared from the hallway we were in and went through the doorway to the other one. Almost as soon as I saw this, my brother vanished.

So I make my way down the rest of the hallway and hit a doorway that leads into the adjacent hallway. When I go through I see this "being" once again and it goes down a park of the hallway that breaks off. I get the feeling that this thing wants me to follow it, at this point I wake up.

#2

In this dream I was in a house with people I knew. I don't know these people in real life, I didn't recognize any of them, but here I did. Well, I am just in this living room with people and all of a sudden we hear this loud crash and it makes the Earth move as well. People were freaking out, looking out the nearest window and everything.

-The dream "cuts" here to a later point-

I am in the same house I was in before, but this time I was alone. Out of nowhere comes this loud siren, it sounds like one of those emergency sirens. It is really loud, like hurting my ears loud in my dream. For some reason the one thing I remember being concerned about here was being able to hear my boyfriend on the phone. The sound lasted until I woke up.


#3

This dream just happened about 45 minutes ago, it is what just woke me up.

Two friends of mine took me to a house we were going to stay at. One friend I recognized and it is someone I know in real life, the other guy I didn't even remember seeing his face at all. We're at the house for about a half hour and that's when the friend I know reveals to me that the place we're staying at is haunted. I am not comfortable with this, but I figured I could handle the night.

So I actually start to fall asleep and just think to myself that I will leave in the morning. I constantly hear noises during the night but they don't completely keep me awake. It's one of those things where you wake up for a fraction of a second and then go right back to sleep. Then there was a point where it was just "loud" in my head and these loud noises woke me up in the dream.

I can barely picture the ghosts I saw in this dream that were haunting the house. Just the fact that some seemed harmless and most of them seemed menacing. For some reason or other we didn't leave the place when all this was happening and I eventually woke up.
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Whether these actually mean anything, I don't really know or feel that interested in looking into. I am mainly pretty tired (figurative and literally) of having bad dreams/nightmares and them waking me up at night.